The quote I chose to start this post with is something I’ve always tried to follow, especially since the time I began getting involved in armies. But recently, this seemed to have backfired for me. In a huge way.
Disclaimer: The post below contains a lot of sensitive content. Use your discretion; don’t continue reading if you get triggered by such contents.
I bet most of you are wondering, what’s with the song references in the titles? I just happen to be a great lover of music, excuse my eccentricities.
What’s this post about?
You’re right, I twisted the context because I still think a lot of Moosh. He’s a really sweet person, didn’t wanna blame too much on him in this series of unnecessary, degrading posts that have been doing back and forth between our warring armies. You have the person who decided to dispute those screenshots to thank for making me reveal the full context. I’m grateful to you for being the good person you’ve always been and not deleting all your messages to get rid of the evidence.
Sorry for the compact mode, but Amber showed me it helps you see the timeline, to point out what happened:
Moosh and I had a thing where we’d DM each other for AUSIA events. This lasted until Moosh started gradually reducing his attendance at RR AUSIAs. Understandable, he might’ve had other things to do, as seen in the screenshots below and above. But after a while, I gave up attending for SE, and stopped asking Moosh to come. It was taxing to keep going to SE events without having anyone from their army attend ours to return the favor. Despite that, I kept receiving messages to attend SE events, to the point where I left SE in frustration. No, I never meant to leave FW, it was SE. But I thought of Moosh as a friend, I felt guilty about leaving when he DMed me cuz after all he was still a good person and I didn’t wanna sever relations with him. So I made up an excuse and asked to be let back in. But I made it clear I was a Visitor. In spite of this, the messages to come to SE events continued.
Before you try to use these to say “RR reminded us to come to AUSIAs too”, lemme remind you about how I did not need to be told to attend SE AUSIA events. I’d find out when they were and personally attended every one of them I could. This was, until RR noticed the dwindling support from SE, which had been lackluster in the first place. Why would I bother taking out more than 40 minutes per day for an allied AUSIA, when not even one minute of my time was reciprocated?
To this moment, and even for the future, I maintain I have nothing but respect for SE and the people I know from there, like Amber and Moosh.
I’ve never hated someone who’s been good to me before, the reason being I believe they never meant to be bad to me in the first place. I’m a guy who believes there are no bad people, there’s just bad actions that change our perception of them.
Amber and I would talk sometimes, mostly about army stuff or light hearted chatting, having met during the SE vs Elites tournament battle, and developing a healthy respect for each other ever since. When RR released our war post, barely an hour later, one of the mutual friends between me and Amber DMed me. They said that the post “I wrote” would traumatize her even more than HF’s war declaration. The post would affect her mental health. This led me to fear that she might start feeling even worse things and that she might be feeling personally betrayed by me. I was confused because I hadn’t written the entire post by myself. It wasn’t an attack on Amber, and neither was it released from my account. I was made to understand that due to majority of RR website posts being released by me, and my activity as a CPA News writer, Amber had assumed the entire post was an attack by me on her.
This made me feel pangs of guilt as the Red Ravagers HCOM team had worked as a team to put together our feelings into the war post, in an attempt to force Amber to listen to how SE had wronged us because she refused to listen when our representative approached her. There was no intention of hurting her personally. There was no intention of creating an atmosphere of #CancelSE or even Amber. We never intended to push you out of the community or something. Our only request is, admit that what happened was done and apologize for it. We’ll happily forget it happened, move on, maybe even reconcile in the future when we’ve had enough time to lick our wounds. The fear of her spiraling and overstressing, kudos to me, began echoing in the back of my head. Heart filled with guilt, I immediately rushed to her DMs without a second thought of what it might cost RR. This seems to have cost me dearly. I apologized to her, spent approximately 30 minutes putting together words to express what I felt, without saying something that might hurt her and push her over the edge even more. I put together a genuine apology, and a plea for her to understand my side on this. When I mentioned I was ready to listen to her side of the story, I was being sincere, prepared to believe her. I made an attempt to understand what she felt.
In return, I got no reply.
And I didn’t feel too bad cuz I understood she felt hurt, her feelings were valid. Honestly, after not getting a reply I thought she just chose to ignore it. Two days later, I opened the SE reply to the war post, and felt my throat choke:
My own words had been used against me and my army. My apology twisted to make me look disloyal, apparently exposing my friends for fighting this war due to “personal vendetta”.
This is how I was treated for sincerely caring and trying to be a compassionate individual in this community.
This is what I got for trying to care about a person I might’ve hurt on accident and for apologizing to her, even after everything that happened between our armies (idc about the armies I value people more).
< > < > < >
I don’t take back what I said, Amber. I’m still sorry if we ever hurt you personally in any ways. But I also don’t take back anything I said in that post, or anything any other HCOM member said. Or what I said in that message. This is a personal war. This was never about armies, because you went ahead and made it personal. You hurt Rach personally when she was unfairly, and inhumanely fired from her staff rank in SE. You hurt Neha when she tried approaching you with a misunderstanding occurred between our armies, because she felt you would listen to her as her friend, and was instead met with a defensive attitude and later blocked for this very same reason. When Neha tried to ask why she was blocked, your friends, staff members and the people closest to you, admitted it was because you thought she was rude. You hurt Neha when you promised her a “fast track to leadership”, but when she worked hard, not only did she not receive the promotions she had been promised, she was also called out for assuming she’d be promoted “all on her own terms”. When she fell inactive in January due to irl things, you brushed her aside. When she felt a lack of motivation after January from not being promoted despite helping you out in any way she could, she was feeling sad, and used as a tool to grow your army. Instead of helping her and encouraging her to keep doing what she had been doing for SE, recognizing her potential and acknowledging her work like any other “friend” would have done, you agreed with her that she didn’t do things for the army anymore. You made her realize in the worst way possible that she didn’t deserve a promotion. That you never did plan to promote her. In your post, you discredited everything she ever did for you. You don’t even acknowledge her as a friend. And that isn’t the only thing you’ve done to hurt her, mind it, just not including it right now.
You hurt me when you used my feelings of sorrow, and my words that were meant as an apology, to further your war propoganda.
But if you ever again try to make it look like you did none of this, the Ravagers have even more screenshots, real proof and actual eye witnesses just waiting to confirm everything I’ve said above and more.
I can’t even begin to keep going on about the other people you’ve hurt, not just from RR, but from GT and FP as well. If I wanted to I would, but I think I’ve made it clear what I meant when I said it’s personal. I don’t want to hurt you, please don’t ever mistake my kindness as my weakness and force me to do something like this ever again.
After the SE reply, we talked in DMs, and I made it clear I was hurt she never even thought of replying. I never said I wanted her to accept my apology, I just felt so used when her own friend DMed me saying she was hurt, I apologized, and then my words were used against me. You say the post slanders you, it could’ve been avoided had it been told to you before, but you’ve proven what happens when someone actually comes forward to you and tells you the truth about how they feel: you block them, cuz you don’t want to listen to anything that spoils your image. And I get that, you don’t want to be seen as a bad person. No one would ever want to hear something that tells them they’ve done something wrong. But blocking them and not listening is not the right way to keep your image clean. The right way would’ve been if you had been open and apologized for what happened, cleared up everything and made amends to the broken trust. You never did that, and it just stopped most of us from seeing you as a friend after the last straw with the unmentioned RR mod and Baks and Tea. I still believe you are not a bad person. You just made a few mistakes and like you’re human, like us all, everyone makes mistakes. I didn’t write this post to point you out and try to convince everyone you’re a bad person. That’s not me. You can still make amends for this, just apologize for what happened, RR will let everything else go, that’s my promise.
Talking about not providing full context, here’s some actual context of that apology.
I think I’ve successfully cleared up the things Amber said regarding me in her reply to our war declaration. I tried trusting her and reaching out to her. This is what happened afterwards. This just goes to prove that you can never show compassion to an enemy no matter how much you care I guess. It has, and always will be, perceived as your weakness. It’s better to stay hostile. Lesson Learnt.
The Fool Of The War